It's been since August that I last blogged. And it's not because I haven't had anything to say, but honestly, out of a lack of courgage. I've felt the overwhelming urge to hold my cards close to the table. I've really not wanted to go through this journey publicly. Maybe for fear of failure, maybe because it's just a quiet road to take, or because it's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to trust the Lord with... Just to wait and be still, really still, for a really long time. You see, this wasn't my big idea, or grand plan, or dream come true. It's His, for me. And He's got this plan and a hope and a future for me, but it's not what I saw coming.

He took me out of the pit, redeemed me, wrote His name on my heart, taught me his Word, gave me a desire to love and serve Him, then broke me down, to show me that HE is all i need. No other plan, or strategy, or program, will do. No matter how well thought out it is, or how well received by others; His plan is the only plan.

How tricky it is to follow Him when at times you don't know where He's going with you. Years ago when I was pregnant with Daniel, the Lord taught me patience in waiting on Him. He holds life in His hands. He used His people to walk through and encourage us through that. He revealed Himself in a Mighty and Awesome way. "I am the Lord, the God of all flesh, is anything to difficult for me?" Jer 32:27

During this journey though, He's shone Himself to be just as Mighty, but in an even more personal and quiet way. He has stripped me down, quietly, to where there's no outside noise. Just me and Him. There's been great opposition to our going, but God has shown Himself to be a Mighty Warrior. He's taught me to fight a battle I cannot see. The battle has been so fierce at times, that fear has crept in and almost paralyzed me. It keeps me from wanting to be open and honest for fear of the opposition. There's no telling what all this training is preparation for.

Trusting, waiting, believing... that's were I am, even now. As I pack my house to leave in 4 days, I still don't know where we're going to live in Vancouver. Once again, He's keeping my eyes on Him, not the thrill of a new place, but the unknown keeps my focus on Him alone. He's good I tell ya! He has this loving way of keeping all the distractions out of the way. My flesh wants to throw a fit, but my hearts wants to trust Him with everything I have. That's a battle in it's self!

What scares me the most, is that training is only for the purpose of a real battle, which is to come. What lies ahead is unknown, but the One who holds the future has made Himself known.